Marry and live biblically.

Marriage, (sadly the current age now forces any one talking about marriage to add ‘between man and woman) has been the longest institution in existence-started by God ever in Eden. Many people enter in to it clearly aware of its demands (from the benefit of premarital counseling), while some people get in to it simply because either age mates are somehow getting married and he is the only boy/girl remaining in the estate. In some African culture men marry because of the need for somebody to take care of dad and mum who are getting older and need a worker to take care of them in the village while he is in the city working. Simply put, they marry a worker for the parents other than hiring a worker! Some also marry because there is need to name a child after mum or dad! As for me, I married because I met this lady in church that I fell in love with and loved her manners and her sincere love for the Lord (I also loved the Lord). She has never been a slave to my parents though I know she dearly love them and cares for them (my mum now since dad passed on last 2013).

Here we are, and like the day of Noah, people are marrying and getting married without Christ in their hearts. I do not mean that you should never marry if you are not a Christian, please go ahead and do. What I mean is this, married life is so challenging that somewhere along the line it easily can become not marriage any more but ‘putting up.’ One day while I was leading Bible study on married life in church one person asked an ‘important’ question thus: ‘Pastor, what can one do if love for the spouse is lost.’ Well, the answer is ‘put up.’ Sorry, may I not mislead you.

Dear reader, by God’s grace may I bring to your attention some issues that if you are not married yet you may need to consider before you delve in to it and if you are already married and things are not working out well (this can be a possibility) both of you may want to use to evaluate what has gone wrong.

You must be born again and she /he must be born again.

The command not to be unequally yoked with none believers is not only in business. (2 Cor. 6:14-16). If anything, is there any greater business than a man and a woman coming together in holy matrimony for the rest of their lives? I have met some young ‘Christians’ resisting this command in the Bible simply because they are in love. Common defense to their view contrary to the Scriptures is that: ‘How do you know, I may convert him/her.’ I ask, how do you know, she /he might convert you from Christianity. I think that it is easier to coach one in to worldliness than it is to convert one in to godliness-a Christian. The problem of sin is so deep and does not need a marriage to sort out but the gospel of Christ Jesus and obedience.

So, both the couple must be born again and seriously seeking to be obedient to the Word of God. This will give a firm ground to sorting our marital differences by first looking to the Lord Jesus other than the offender in the marriage. This will remove the self righteousness in the marriage that many a times make fools of men (sorry women also) that they NEVER make mistakes in marriage and are spotlessly clean in all matters in the relationship. This will make the man think of that hurdle that he is yet to overcome, the hurdle of ‘husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.’ Eph. 5:25-26. It is only a Christian husband that sees this hurdle and it is only his wife that enjoys his labour to scale the heights. This Christian man will hate adultery and avoid it not because of the fear of HIV AIDs but because his God hates it and commands that he shall not unite in sex with any other woman save for his wife only (1 Cor. 6:12-20). This is the man who will appreciate that in marriage there is nothing like mummy’s boy but his wife is his closest confidant. This man, if he commits a crime and runs away (God forbid), all that the police have to do is to pick his wife and they will get all the information they need. The couple are that close to each other.

 I promise you, you will never find such a kind of a husband from a bar, from disco halls, from the seat of mockers or standing in the way of sinners. They are never found there. They are found committed in the service of God with full conviction that ‘I was once a sinner but saved by grace to do good works… I was once a slave to Satan and now servant of Christ living with the daughter of Christ who wants the best from me.’ To the unmarried Christian ladies, wait until you get such a man of God. If for some reasons they do not come your way, keep waiting.

Christian man, do you want a lovely wife? Do not wait to convert one in marriage, get the one that already has been converted by Christ. It is this woman that will appreciate that women’s right does not include exchanging hot opinions with you, it she who will know and appreciate there is a word from the Lord called ‘submission.’ And not to her employer, but to the husband. She is the one who knows that her number one honour` is not in the executive posts which she holds that take her away from home and children for two weeks but at home ( Eph.5:22-24. Prov.31:10-31).

Does all this mean that Christians never have low moments in their marriage? If you asked me such a question, how I wish I could answer you with an affirmative NO they do not. That answer must wait until we get to the heavenly glory-but there will be no marriage there (  a cult once taught me that there will be marriage in heaven).So I must answer it in a fitting way while Christians are still on earth. My friends, Christian marriage also have their own shares of marital upheavals. There is a term doing its rounds amongst Christians known as ‘serious Christians.’ The converse to this is that there are some who are serious Christians. If you are of my age or older, you will remember that in the 1980s and before then there was a term known as ‘Canal Christian.’ This did its rounds as well and as a young Christian there is nothing that confused me in my new found faith than this term ‘canal Christian.’ Surely to me it was confusion in this faith that I had just come in to yet in my first theological school by correspondence it was the explanation to some Christians who had one foot in the world and the other in the Kingdom. I seriously think that the term ‘serious Christian.’ Is ‘canal Christian’ come back in new clothing.’

I take the view that one is either a Christian separate from the world or not. A Christian is and should be a serious Christian or he is not a Christian at all-he has never been one.

The reason I am walking this road briefly is to explain that there some people in Christianity who seem to be with us but they are not. Such are the men that present Christian marriage in bad light. First, they are not born again what so ever though they want to shout otherwise from the roof top. Two they have no fear of Christ and his words (Christ says that ‘my sheep listen to my voice and they follow me’). Three, they are found in the church, which is more confusing. I dare say that such do present Christians’ marriage in bad light and care nothing about the shame they give to the church. The opposite is this. For a ‘serious Christians’ (I mean for a Christian), such marriage upheavals are rare though they come. And when they come, the couples look to Christ with reverence fear and strive to cut off the ‘arm’ that causes them to sin in their marriage. In fact, what gives them happiness in their marriage is not their spouses’ happiness, or children’s but Christ’s joy and happiness in as far as the marriage is run. The rest of the family members only share in the joy of Christ. That is Christian marriage.

When I started writing this paper I remember promising you something like this: Dear reader, by God’s grace may I bring to your attention some issues that if you are not yet married you may need to consider before you delve in to it and if you are already married and things are not working out well (this can be a possibility) both of you may want to use to evaluate what has gone wrong. Without doubt you were all ears when you read that line and probably expecting some ‘do’ lists and ‘don’t do’ list. Sorry for disappointing you, I had only one issue to ring you that covers the many issues. Christ is the answer to all matters of peaceful existence not only with your wife but also one another and above all with God (Eph 2:14-22).

So, if you are not married and you want good married life consider marrying a Christian, I hope that you are a Christian. And if you as a Christian couple are having permanent rocks in your married life, take it from me, either one of you or both of you have not submitted fully to the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ and what His word says to married Christians. You better do serious self searching and correct your ways. Remember Christ’s words: ‘My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.’ (John 10: 27).

Written by Sam Oluoch (Pastor GBC-K)